Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
