she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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