what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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