wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize