um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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