I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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