We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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