sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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