we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize