Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
