Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
