Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
