you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
