Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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