if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
