I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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