Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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