Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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