i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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