Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
