he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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