Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
