Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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