Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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