worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
