evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
