East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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