that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
