Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
