WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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