My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
