Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
