Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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