I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize