yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
