i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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