alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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