He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
