he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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