Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
