what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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