They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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