Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
