I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
