did you get engaged???
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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