i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
