you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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