hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So. Much. Porn.
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