note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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