He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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