I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
