Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
