I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
