I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
