Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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