am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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