They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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