the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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