The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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